Saturday morning.... coming home things to know

Written Saturday morning....   The last couple days have been crazy.

Coming home.... How I can't wait! 
Brian and the boys have been far away for 5+ weeks, it will be 6 before I see them.  I have never been away from my sons for more than 2 days-1 week respectively.  It has been the hardest thing I have ever done.  There are so many other things I miss.  Our normal routine of bedtime and a little tv with Brian.  My puppies.  Our front porch.... the list goes on and on and on.  All of that said, as I am sitting here this morning experiencing the first really tough day in awhile with the girls, I am scared.  Scared that once home it will be even harder.  Scared that we will go back to that couple weeks of "so hard I think I may drown myself in the canal... but wait, I have to take care of everyone first....".  And you know what?  We probably will, on some level, for awhile.

Yesterday I got a glimpse into what it will be like.  I had to go do paperwork for the day in a city far off.  My girls stayed here with our rep.  They had a great time playing in the park with her dog, getting nails done, eating pizza.  When I got back, other than a bit of clinginess things were good.  But Tatiana wouldn't hug me goodnight.  She was angry despite understanding.  Lucia cried all night in her sleep for me and woke up inconsolable.  She was jealous when I talked to the boys on the phone and squealed the whole time.  At breakfast when I told her it was time to put my phone up I got swatted at, told no, and the crying started again.  Which led to Tatiana saying I wasn't her mom, she wanted our rep as a mom instead.  Do you see the pattern?  Fear of abandonment and the lavishing of attention by an outside source leads to anger and more fear and more anger and.... well, you get the picture. 

I expect things to be hard when we get home.  In most ways we will start over.  Yes, there is some trust and some level of attachment.  The tantrum of this morning didn't last real long ending with an apology from Tatiana and her finding me a cooking show on tv in English (this is a huge peace offering).  Lucia is still sad, but after Tatiana took my side it seems to have mellowed. 

So you are possibly asking yourself what can you do to help?  If you are in our lives I thought it would make it easier for everyone to kindof spell out what would be good... and what wouldn't.

1.  If you have questions about the girls' past or anything personal, please ask me in private.  They don't speak a lot of English, but they understand much. 

2.  Please don't lavish lots of physical attention or gifts.  Please limit it to a pat on the back or a shoulder squeeze.  Don't hold hands (Tatiana's favorite way of saying "look mom, I like other people more than you").  Please let gifts come through us if you want to give them something.  This includes special treats and sweets.  We want them to meet everyone and to know how much our friends and family love them, but the line of "who is my family" is harder for kids in this position than you might think.  Parent shopping is not uncommon at first.  And it's really hard on bonding.  I am not going overboard.    This stuff is important for now.  If you aren't sure, ask.  We aren't going to be hurt or offended or overly sensitive.  Just doing what we have to do for awhile.

3.  Understand that we may leave quickly from any.... anything.  And yes, sometimes we have moments of crazy.  If you see my hauling a screaming 4 yr old and an angry 10 yr old out of the grocery store, it's ok.  It gets better. 

4.  Drop me a line on facebook, or a text message, or a phone call... even better stop by for coffee... and bring chocolate... or wine... or both.  One thing I have learned is that when all else fails, vent...and pray.. and listen to music.. and drink wine... and eat chocolate!  I hope it won't be quite as hard at home as it is here, but if the girls are having a hard time, we may pretty much hide out at home for a bit.  Adult company in English is GOOD!

5.  Pray.  Pray for patience and perseverance in the hard moments for Brian and I.  Pray for understanding for our boys.  Pray for God to work in the hearts of our new daughters who have never had a relationship with Him.  Pray for them to feel the love in our family in every moment of every day.  Just keep praying.  :)

The girls are doing great.  I am so excited for them and so proud of them.  Their resilience is inspiring.  We are blessed by how well they are doing, how well they were loved and cared for by their foster family, and by how open their little hearts are to us.  So while I don't expect every moment to be a walk in the park coming home, I am SO excited for our family to finally be all together.  It's a moment we have dreamt of for a very very long time! Love to all!